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Joke of the Day

"Only a coward brings a gun to a swordfight, But only a moron brings a sword to a gunfight."

"What happened when Jesus forgot to look both ways? He died on the cross!"

"The best part of waking up is when you say ""fuck it"" and go back to sleep."

"Kim Jong Un is 30, runs a dictatorship, executes ex-girlfriends, and openly threatens to annihilate the US. What am I doing with MY life?"

"I wish I had remembered this was a rectal thermometer before I'd put it in my mouth for 3 minutes."

"Why'd the toilet feel abused? Because it took a lot of shit."

"""Keep that upside-down frown right where it is!"" - Botox Patient Saying"

"And like the migratory pattern of the white-crowned sparrow, the last roll of toilet paper makes its journey from bathroom to bathroom."

"Quit smoking is so easy I quit at least a thousand times already Edited :D"

"I shadowed an opthamolologic surgeon today. The experience was really eye opening."