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Joke of the Day

"Children are our greatest natural resource. I pray it doesn't come to that. --heard it on the radio, can't remember the comedian's name."

"I used to give my co-workers nicknames based on their most dominant features, like 'Loves Abortions Brenda' or 'Intern Groper Rob'."

"why is it called bacon if you fry it"

"What's the best part about fingering... What's the best part of fingering a psychic while she's on her period? You still get your palm red"

"What do you do if you see your stepmother hobbling around in the backyard? Reload."

"What can turn a fruit into a vegetable? Aids."

"16 yr old nephew bought me a Miley Cyrus CD. He said ""Listen to it, it'll change your mind. It did change my mind. I used to like my nephew."

"A guy walks into a Barr... and Roseanne's like, ""Hey! Watch where you're going!"""

"Why are magicians always sad? Because everything they have disappears"

"I wrote ""except zombies"" on my welcome mat so I know I'll be safe during a zombie apocalypse."