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Joke of the Day

"An ice bucket challenge ... But for when teenagers don't want to get out of bed and get ready for school."

"Just because I'm Irish doesn't mean I am always drunk. It means I always want to be."

"The other day I held the door for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester."

"Buses are like pornstars... Nothing for an hour then they all cum at once."

"Psychiatrist ""Tell me about your trust issues."" Me ""No"""

"What's the difference between a deaf person and my wife? I don't know."

"They say you are what you eat... But I don't remember eating a legend!"

"This self checkout lane has the sexiest cashier."

"Blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood so technically pancakes are more important than family"

"Her: I think you're getting too into those Hobbit movies Me: *stops gluing a beard on the baby* what?"