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Joke of the Day

"Why would a monster be big, green and scaly?. Cuz if he were small, white and smooth hed be a Tic Tac."

"If there is a better way to memorialize your parakeet than by tattooing his name on your ass, I'd certainly like to hear it."

"Me: They were gone. All of them. Just gone. I've never felt so alone. Therapist: So, after the donuts were gone, then what did you do?"

"Why did Tim Tebow's mom protest against the Russian soup truck? It contained a borscht ton."

"I filled my brother's shampoo bottle with olive oil and glitter last night. Have a great day in court, counselor!"

"i saw this homeless guy talking to himself and i was like, ""who is he talking to?"" then i thought ""who am I talking to?"""

"Beware of the half truth. You may have gotten hold of the wrong half."

"I don't like camels And anybody who can go a week without a drink."

"What's the difference between an iceberg and a clothes brush? One crushes boats and the other brushes coats!"

"Kudos to therapists for resisting the natural urge to top other people's problems."