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Joke of the Day

"What did the bun say to the hot dog? I relish the fact that you've mustard the will to ketchup to me!"

"Need to get up early tomorrow so I've set my neighbor's leaf blower for 6 a.m."

"GOD: [reviewing solar system] hmm... i'll give it 5 stars EARTH: [imediately starts screamig due to masive gravitational pull of 4 new stars]"

"I was walking down the street when I saw my mother in law getting beaten up by 7 people... Someone said ""shouldn't you help?"" and I replied ""nah, 7 should be enough."""

"Recipes sound good until you realize that you don't have $846 worth of spices in your house."

"Who is the world s worst golfer? Hitler"

"A man is talking to his friend who has recently been diagnosed with cancer Not knowing what to say he awkwardly asks him ""how's the cancer?"" He replies ""I dunno it's kinda growing on me"""

"DATE: dessert? MY BRAIN: im full MY STOMACH: i want food DATE: one piece of chocolate wont hurt MY DOG: THAT MAN IS TRYIMG TO KILL MY OWNER"

"Girls have an unfair advantage over men: If they can't get what they want by being smart, they can get it by being dumb."

"If you had to choose between having a love life, or a lifetime supply of pudding: How much chocolate pudding would you eat that first day?"