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Joke of the Day

"Can't wait for the first bad thing to happen in 2017 so I can post ""what is this, 2016?"" Ha! Today an on duty seeing eye dog growled at me."

"I refuse to worry about wrinkles anymore. Besides, the botox I used on my scrotum burned and just made my balls look surprised all the time."

"You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg."

"I walked 10 miles today. I knew I shouldn't have let my dad name my dog."

"The STAR WARS super agressive marketing will probably change the name of Easter to ""The Christ Awakens"""

"Wanna get laid? Crawl up a chicken's ass and wait."

"Why aren't there any mexicans in the Olympics? Cuz all that can run, jump or swim have got their ass over here."

"What's wrong with the sentence ""Jack and Jill is playing in the field?"" Women should be first."

"Cause of Death: Dropped full can of soda on baby toe."

"Incognito mode on google chrome is useless.. Everyone in the library can still see me wanking"