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Joke of the Day

"A little girl asks her mom, ""Why am I getting my Christmas presents in August?"" Her mom replies, ""Because it's cheaper than chemotherapy."""

"If you lead a horse to pretzels and then to water, he will definitely drink."

"Which part of your body shuts down last when you die? The eyes, cause they di-late."

"Who is the best player on the Texans? Watt WHO IS THE BEST PLAYER ON THE TEXANS? Watt **WHO IS THE BEST PLAYER ON THE TEXANS?**"

"Men and women are like cats and dogs... You can't have sex with them in public."

"What do you call an elephant that no one needs? Irrelephant."

"I woke up at 3 am this morning to the sound of my burglar alarm ""Time to go out and rob some people!"" I said"

"What do you call a counterfeit receipt for a memory consultant? A Freudilent slip."

"When a woman says ""WHAT did you just say?"" say something different."

"It's 2015. I can't believe we're still referring to a dress as colored."