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Joke of the Day

"If a duckling is a baby duck, I don't want to eat dumplings."

"What's the difference between Justin Bieber and a lawyer? Some adults like lawyers."

"During movies when characters go underwater, I hold my breath and see if I could've survived that situation... I almost died in _Finding Nemo_"

"Women are like convertibles. They're a lot more fun when the top's down."

"What 20th century composer would make the best bartender? Philip Glass. (fill up glass)"

"What do you call Stephen Hawking rolling away from an explosion? Hot wheels (First joke, hope you like it.)"

"Do you think the guy responsible for squirting water in NFL players' mouths has ""rehydration specialist"" listed on his LinkedIn profile?"

"""1. Roll around in bed for a few hours. 2. Get kind of dressed. 3. DON'T EAT!"" - to do list for American Apparel models"

"[talking to son on the phone] ""I ran away 3 weeks. You never called the police"" I'm sorry. We've been very busy with the holidays and all."

"Women's rights. want to laf again? **WOMYNS RITES!!!** el oh el"