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Joke of the Day
"Which part of a vegetable is the hardest to eat? the wheelchair"
Next Joke
"What's the difference between a paycheck and a penis? You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck."
"""I'll shave whoever I want! I'll shave you, I'll shave her! I'll shave a goddamn baby if need be!"" Sean Connery, boasting about his heroism"
"Just made 7 decisions based on my phone's battery life."
"I hadn't been laid in a long time, so I slipped a girl a roofie at a bar. She still wouldn't have sex with me, she just wanted to sleep."
"Date: ""You're very tall! Do you play basketball?"" Me: ""You're very fat. Are you a sumo wrestler?"""
"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall? Art."
"If you're testing me, we failed."
"Why would someone name a dog ""pistachio""? Because they're nuts"
"*two minor inconveniences happen at the same time* me: *needs to lie down for 3 days*"