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Joke of the Day

"After a rough night, I woke up one morning and thought I should join Alcoholics Anonymous... I changed my mind though, because I am NOT a quitter."

"Me: Could a drunk person do this!? *assembles Ikea bookcase* Her: that's supposed to be a couch."

"My bologna has a first name, and a second name, and a fake name, and a sexy nickname, and exactly none of them are your business so go away."

"How does a blonde turn on the light after making love? Opens the car door."

"What do you call a cow... What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean Beef. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with epilepsy? Beef Jerky."

"This may sound like a rape joke if you ask me oh wait, you don't"

"The word ""fireplace"" really reveals the creativity of our ancestors."

"Stop making jokes about gay porn! Come on guys! *edit* Here's one more joke I'm fucking serious guys!"

"A married's man prayer Dear God, you gave me childhood and you took it away. You gave me youth and you took it away. You gave me a wife.......... Its been years now, just reminding you."

"What do Donald trump and the Internet have in common? They're two of the worlds most powerful tools."