211205

Joke of the Day

"""the immaturity and the copying are my main issues"" I say in a whiny voice as my wife storms out of the counsellors office"

"I've just got back from the opticians. Apparently I have 20/20 hindsight. If only I knew when I was twelve."

"Business idea: Own a profitable business"

"Why should Donald Trump change his name to Donald Duck? Because he's a quack."

"[on way to play charades with gf's family] I don't wanna go why I don't wanna look silly you won't *first thing I have to act out is pasta*"

"How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?"

"I like my women how I like my wine 12 years old and locked in my cellar"

"Knock Knock... Whos there? John. John who? *John begins to weep as he realizes his grandmothers Alzheimer's has progressed to a level where she no longer remembers his name.*"

"I tell you what makes my blood boil, faulty spacesuits."

"You don't need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice"