21099

Joke of the Day

"*dinosaur at zoo roars at me* ""ROAR"" whoa wat kimd of dinosaur is this ""GROWL"" hmm ""SHOUT"" hmmm ""YELL"" hmmmmm ""HOLLER"" oh its a thesaurus"

"How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized. **x-post r/ScienceHumour**"

"Why can't you find any painkillers in the jungle? Because the Paracetomol"

"Paid a visit to 'www.conjunctivitis.com' earlier... Believe me, it's a site for sore eyes."

"How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his dick!!"

"My wife and I couldn't have a baby so we decided to go to an adoption agency. I was so excited while I was in there. It made me happy to think that I could finally take off the baby on board sticker."

"My girlfriend doesn't know this, but I put a dollar in an envelope every time we have sex. That's all I'm spending on her for Christmas. So far she's getting a McChicken."

"I'll eat when I'm dead - zombies"

"A photon stops at a hotel and is asked: ""May I take your luggage?"" He replies, ""No, thanks. I'm traveling light."""

"If mental hospitals had walkways... They'd be called psychopaths."