210109

Joke of the Day

"I just burnt 1200 calories... I forgot the pizza in the oven. : /"

"Saw a bumper sticker with a gun and ""I don't call 911!"" Jesus. I hope his wife doesn't fall down the stairs. ""Sorry darlin'."" -*BLAM BLAM*"

"If you were a prisoner going down the stair You couldnt be more condescending."

"Budweiser is like sex on the beach... It's fucking close to water"

"Has anyone even thought to look in San Diego for Carmen Sandiego? Think about it, it's a little *too* obvious. Which means it's perfect."

"Stephen Hawkins goes on a date.... he comes back a couple of hours later with broken glasses, grazed knees, twisted ankle. She'd stood him up."

"Sometimes things go from bad to worse back to bad then awful, rotten, pure sh1t to pathetic & back to bad which feels ok. Hang in there."

"I finished a sudoku today so I'm ready to do your taxes."

"[adrift at sea] CLOWN: no worries, we can use this helium canister to propel us to shore ME: *really squeaky voice* we need a different plan"

"(sure hope reddit doesn't hate racist jokes) What's the difference between a Jew and a dollar? I'd miss six million dollars!"