209953

Joke of the Day

"[clown cleaning shower] MRS CLOWN: Don't forget to remove the hair from the drain. [clown just keeps pulling long multi-coloured hair out]"

"What was Bob Marley's favourite font? Sans Sheriff!"

"How long do owls live? Six and a half books."

"My wife says she's leaving me because of my obsession with Football Manager. In my defence, I've got Dani Alves, Kompany, Vidic and Lahm."

"1) Lick tip. 2) Stick it in gently. 3) Pump 12-20 times. 4) Sweat profusely. 5) Pull out gently. -Instructions on inflating a basketball."

"Starting a cover band called ""A Book"" so no one can judge us."

"""Sure, you can wear shorts to preschool today."" -the reason I am sleeping on the couch right now"

"A man was killed in a rice field by a small porcelain doll.... It was the very first knick-knack, patty whack"

"[Rogue One Spoilers] What is the empire's favorite kind of font? Sans Scarif"

"Free Pussy Riot!"