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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a snake that studies past events? A HISSSSStorian."

"I pulled my groin the other day.. .. It felt so good, I pulled it one more time."

"The urgent care center in town was torn down... ...it was clinically depressed"

"I hate the lack of entertainment on westjet flights It's driving me bored-air-line crazy"

"I'm so pissed right now I'm going to open a can of... what the hell, when did they start putting child proof lids on the cans of whoop-ass?"

"I heard the news about Mr. Ali's passing... I was pretty upset. So why am I in the mood for a giant chocolate shake?"

"I often call my stepson a ""bitch"" and my stepdaughter a ""dickhead"" to show them the importance of gender equality."

"*throws phone over courthouse metal detector. catches phone on the other side. resumes conversation*"

"If I got arrested I'd ask for one tweet instead of a phone call because none of my friends answer their goddamn phones."

"[OC] A cold bear Did you know that when a bear gets cold it loses control of its vowels and becomes a brrrr?"