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Joke of the Day

"Stop asking me to vote for your kid in contests. I'm too nice of a person to tell you I'm surprised you got laid in the first place."

"once you go black... you're a single mother"

"Today I realised I really want to tie the knot with the missus. Anyone know where I can find instructions for noose tying?"

"I guess Phillip Hughes was the first Aussie To die of a bowler. Badum Tiss."

"What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead baby? I don't have a Lamborghini"

"What did cinderella say when she got to the ball? NSFW *gagging noise*"

"If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their age."

"Sarah Palin and Donald Trump served PB&J sandwiches at his last political rally because if you go to one of those, you're not allergic to nuts"

"I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly."

"An Emo and a leaf fall from a tree, Who hits the ground first? the leaf, the rope stops the emo"