208969

Joke of the Day

"Stop asking me to vote for your kid in contests. I'm too nice of a person to tell you I'm surprised you got laid in the first place."

"I'm going to major in Philosophy when I go to college... ...so one day I can ask '*Why* do you want fries with that?'"

"Presidential Disinfectant Hydrogen Barackside"

"Did you hear about the straight white male viscount who ruled with an iron fist over one field? He was an oppressive shitlord."

"Saw my neighbour scrubbing some graffiti saying 'paedo' off his door this morning... I said ""What's been going on mate?"" He said ""Fucking kids!"""

"Why is titty fucking a girl the most romantic way to make love? Because it's when you're closest to her heart."

"Why do infants wake up crying as if they are the ones who have to go out and work!?"

"What's the worst part of breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message."

"*sees couple making out* Come on, get a room. Get a house with a bunch of rooms. Start a family, I think you'd have beautiful children."

"Heard this one in a film you all might have seen A man is talking to his son and says, ""You know, son, if you don't stop masturbating, you're going to go blind."" The son says, ""Dad, I'm over here."""