20866

Joke of the Day

"I'm in a serious relationship with my WIFI... You might say we have a connection."

"what does a british person say to congratulate a friend when he hears they are having their first child after joining a reptile gang? well, chap, you're a propa-gator now."

"Borrowing Money ""Glad to see you, old man. Can you lend me five dollars ?"" ""Sorry, but I haven't a cent with me today"" ""And at home ?"" ""They're all very well, thank you, very well""."

"You gotta hand it to short people because they can't reach it"

"[courtroom] Timothy: I was not involved Victor: Nor was I Lawyer: You could say it was a Vic-, Tim-less cri- Judge: You're all going to jail"

"Did you hear the joke about the Dutch speaking farmer? Nevermind. It doesn't transplant well."

"I've just noticed my wife is wearing her sexy underwear. This can only mean one thing She's behind with the washing."

"Girlfriend pressuring you to have a baby? Set the alarm on her phone to an infant screaming. If that doesn't changer her mind..DUMP HER!"

"What did the colon tell the large intestine after several hours' worth of diarrhoea? ""Get your shit together"""

"Q: What do you say to a vampire when he graduates from college? A: Coagulations!"