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Joke of the Day

"I don't always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment."

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"What do you call two black men on a videotape? Evidence."
"People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties."
"Judge: Show us on this doll where the man hurt you. Me: He didn't. But watch this. [I make the doll do a backflip] Judge: Holy shit lol"
"You're a unit of power Harry ""Im a watt?"""
"Kanye West is now on Twitter. Since he doesn't follow anyone, not only will he not let you finish, he's not gonna let you start, either."
"[Date Night] I poured us a bubble bath. Him: *sigh* is it Sprite again? *sipping seductively from tub with a krazy straw*: Just get in."
"What do you call a fish with no ""eyes""? Fsh"
"What do you call a magic owl? Hoodini"
"Q) How do you spot a happy motorcyclist in fair weather? A) He's got bugs on his teeth."