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Joke of the Day

"If you're ever interested in having a near death experience just tell a girl she's not hot enough to be that crazy."

"Doc said I need to change my diet... He said I need to eat more caviar and drink more champagne. I said, ""Doc, that's crazy! What's this diet called?"" He said, ""it's a High Fluten diet."""

"Why do cicadas stay up all night chirping irregularly, unable to sleep? Their cicadan rhythm is off"

"Do I just call you or should we resolve this quickly with 200 text messages?"

"I'm writing a self-help book about always doing your best. Working title: ""Bestiality"""

"Why Don't Lobsters Share? Because they're shellfish."

"There are only two things that can cut diamonds: other diamonds, and Chuck Norris."

"How did the headless chicken cross the road? In a KFC bucket."

"I don't care how polite your sign is, i'm flushing the toilet paper."

"A girl who bullied me in junior high just friended me on Facebook. Her three kids are named after trees. I win."