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Joke of the Day

"A girl in a car gets pulled over, Girl: I thought you don't give tickets to pretty women? Cop: that's right we don't. Now sign here."

"What's brown and sounds like a bell? DUNG"

"I don't know where you got your face from but i hope you have the receipt."

"Action Dan here, so I read a book on Stockholm syndrome. I didn't like it at first but I have to finish a book I start, by the end I was really into it."

"I never forget a face but in your case I'll make an exception."

"LPT: How to get out of murder/manslaughter charges. Become a police officer."

"My NY friends complain I never have to shovel in LA. Yeah? You think these heaps of broken dreams will get off the sidewalk themselves?"

"Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy. Either way, the silver bullets worked."

"YOU: I murdered someone. YOUR DOG: I'm totally cool with that. I love you. ****************** YOU: I murdered someone. YOUR CAT: Me too."

"How do you make the Wicked Witch of the West kill herself? Challenge her to the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge."