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Joke of the Day

"Hey man, why do you have all these self help books on your floor? I hate my shelf."

"Giving somebody a greeting card is the most festive way to deposit $5 into their trashcan."

"I text this girl who was renting a room in my house ""I want to lick you out"" If she likes the text then I go with it, if not I blame predictive text and it was meant to say ""I want to kick you out""."

"Wife: Rock the baby. Me: *plugs in amp*"

"Wanna know why donald trump considers my penis a muslim? Because i bomb the pussy"

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? ""Why does the light bulb necessarily have to change?"""

"What do you call a story about beastiality? Fifty Shades of Neigh"

"What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? The wheelchair"

"Want to hear a funny abortion joke? Sorry, couldn't conceive one."

"The laminator is a device that sounds a lot more dangerous to baby sheep than it actually is."