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Joke of the Day

"Right before Abe Lincoln was shot Mary Todd Lincoln: See honey, I told you it wouldn't kill you to take me out sometime."

"Having sex with a condom is no fun... I'm going to try having sex with a human being instead."

"Why are seals such homebodies? Because clubbing isn't any fun."

"I like my women the way I like my milk... Four months old and smelling like fish."

"The NFL replacement refs"

"I'm on the snake diet. It's the one where you lie on the floor all day, eat 25% of your body weight, and hiss at anyone who comes near you."

"Calling your baby ugly makes me rude? How about you making me look at your ugly baby makes YOU rude."

"LPT. Before making any promises to a girl, masturbate twice. It may change your opinion."

"What is long, hard, and has cum in it? Cucumber"

"21st century kid on Santa's lap-""Yo santa, some more insta followers would be real dope for Christmas. Thanks bruh bruh"""