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Joke of the Day

"The first guy to clap was really weird ""I enjoyed this so I'm going to hit my hand with my other hand to show my appreciation"""

"A photon checks in at a hotel: ""Are you checking in any bags?"" asks the concierge. ""No"", says the photon, ""I'm travelling light."""

"If you are telekinetic, raise my hand."

"""I'm so self-conscious"" ""I'm a very private person"" ""I'm the shyest person I know"" *posts 43 selfies a week* - girls on Instagram"

"What do cat actors say on stage ? Tabby or not tabby !"

"If cats could talk, they would talk a lot of shit, I bet."

"Why was the double leg amputee sentenced to life? He had no leg to stand on."

"What's the difference between a collection and an addiction? I don't have an alcohol collection."

"You could be a ""Before"" model."

"Her: Describe your ideal date. Me: I'd order an extra large pizza. Her: Interesting. What would I be wearing? Me: Oh, you'd be there, too?"