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Joke of the Day

"I have a phobia of over engineered buildings... It's a complex complex complex."

"A deckhand comes up to the pirate captain. ""The cannons be ready, Captain,"" he reports. *""Are,""* the captain scornfully replies."

"Today's assignment: Walk up to people with a manila envelope and ask them ""Have you seen this person?"" and pull out a picture of yourself"

"When you say the word ""poop"" your mouth makes the same shape as your butthole when you poop The same can be said for ""explosive diarrhea"""

"I asked a guy at the gym how to use a piece of equipment. ""Just push the button,"" he replied, ""Like you would with any other hand dryer."""

"Why wouldn't blastoise share with charizard? He was a shellfish pokemon."

"why was the 6 month old African baby crying? (updated) ""Cuz he just got dunked on!"""

"""Push harder"" I shouted at my wife while she was in labor... ""Screw you"" she screamed back at me. Bit harsh I thought...... it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital!"

"""A smile is like tight underwear...it makes your cheeks go up."

"I've always wanted to buy 2 coffees, take them to a crime scene & while handing 1 to the officer in charge ask, ""So, what do we have here?"""