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Joke of the Day

"I'm really good at managing my credit card. My bank keeps sending me letters saying my account is outstanding."

"When you're accused of buying someone a gift last-minute at Walgreens, don't reveal you actually went to Walgreens a month ago."

"What kind of fish would be good to tune a piano? Oh, you guessed it right ... the tuna fish!"

"My left buttcheek fell asleep. I'm Half-assing everything I do for the next ten minutes."

"If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you is all I need. Don't concern yourself with how I got in your house."

"sometimes i cry when i chop vegetables other than onions, just so the onions don't think they're ugly or something"

"I want to tell a chemistry joke... But all the good ones argon."

"A chickpea goes to a liberal arts college... What's its major? Falafelphy"

"Good times + Crazy friends = Amazing memories. "

"*boss trying to relate to younger employees* ""Excited for the weekend? I know I'll be *looks down at Wikipedia print-out* Yoloing for sure!"""