202350

Joke of the Day

"An old lady standing in line at a bank machine asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over."

"""Waiter!"" shouted the furious diner ""How dare you serve me this! There's a damn TWIG in my soup!"" ""My apologies"" said the waiter. ""I'll inform the branch manager."""

"They say drugs will hurt your long term memory but I kind of take pride in needing to Google the proper spelling of ""Bieber"" every damn time"

"Why can't a bicycle stand on its own? It's too tired!"

"I hate jokes that rely on visual imagery. I've had it right up to here with them."

"WIFE: you're so overly dramatic ME: no i'm not [10 hired backup singers burst through the wall shouting ""no he's not""] dammit guys, not now"

"When you drink morning coffee ... You know your boss is waiting for your report. Let him wait a little...."

"Never go shopping on an empty stomach, I just went to Macy's before dinner and ate 7 turtle necks"

"My superpower is understanding iPhone text typos."

"What is Ke$ha's computer password? Pa$$word"