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Joke of the Day

"8 year old daughter: I wish I had been born a twin Me: You were a very hungry fetus- Wife: Ok that's enough time with Dad for today"

"Did you hear about the sensitive thief? He took a fence."

"What do people with two left feet wear? Flip flips"

"My girlfriend said if this get 100 upvotes , we'll try anal. So please don't vote, her strap-on is huge and it really scares me."

"NURSE: The other nurses and I bought you this box of chocolates for Valentines Day! DR DOG: You're joking, right?"

"Son: Dad, you work so hard and never get any credit. You're like a superhero! Dad: Nice try. You're still not getting the Internet password."

"What's the most problematic time of day? 4:04"

"A guy walked into a gay bar backwards. Ouch."

"what if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs"

"I was arrested for washing my pants without taking the cash out of my pockets. They charged me for laundering money."