201958

Joke of the Day

"No Twitter crush. I have a twitter boyfriend who I intend to marry and have twitter babies. Then twitter divorce and take all his followers."

"X used to mark the spot but.. fuck waiting for you to get it on your own X gon deliver to you"

"Worry not confederate flag supporters! You may have lost the battle... But you haven't lost the w- oh right."

"I'd accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber."

"I just want a man who can lick the crumbs from the bottom of a Pringles tube."

"Did you know? Call of duty has been released in Iraq and Afgahnistan as ""The Sims."""

"Alderaan whoa this blew up"

"I saw a lady texting and driving today... I was furious. I rolled down my window, and threw my beer at her."

"Why are so many Germans into scat? Because they appreciate the creativity and artistry of Ella Fitzgerald, and enjoy listening to her music..... while pooping on each other."

"How do you confuse a blonde? Hold up two shovels and say, ""Take your pick."""