201565

Joke of the Day

"Confusing prank: Obtain a grizzly bear, name it Love then call 911 and say that Love is tearing you apart"

"What don't you say to console a grammar nazi? ""There their they're, it'll be okay!"""

"Harry Potter was walking down a hill jk rowling"

"I swear if I hear Uptown Funk one more time... I will smash my radio. Don't believe me? Just watch"

"Why was the tomato blushing? ...because he saw the salad dressing"

"How do you make holy water? You boil the hell outta it"

"What do you get when you cross a rooster with a PB&J. A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth. Shout out to Roosterteeth"

"I remember when I was a kid, at dinner my parents gave me a knife and fork, so I'd bang them on the table.. ..We were quite an incestuous family."

"What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? Mostly the taste."

"I went to the library today I said: do you have any books on suicide? She said: we did, but no one brings them back"