201314
Joke of the Day
"You know when your a procrastinator when... You're"
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"I'm leaving for London tomorrow. It's going to be really weird Tweeting from the left hand side of the road."
"Sorry I yelled ""SURPRISE!"" when you caught me in bed with your husband. I was unaware that you don't like surprises."
"When girls ask if I'm good in bed, I tell them ""Of course, how hard is it to close your eyes and literally do nothing for 8 hours""."
"Kissed a receipt to lighten my lipstick but I need it to return something & now some cashier is gonna think I'm flirting."
"if Donald trump and Hillary Clinton are on a sinking boat who survives? America"
"How do pirates know they exist? They think, therefore they ARRRRRRRR!"
"A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table... ...one full of water in case he gets thirsty, one empty in case he doesn't."
"What do women and Tony Stark have in common? They are both Fe Males."
"Accidentally pressed the soap dispenser instead of the toothpaste. Mouth feels clean but I don't think I'll be able to curse today. Shucks."