200999

Joke of the Day

"""Y dnt u Muslims tell ISIS to stop"" Ok hold up *pulls out iphone* ""Yo ISIS habibi,its me plz stop"" ISIS:""ok habibi sorry,shisha tonight?"""

"Would you send your son to a school run by someone who insisted on being called ""Headmaster?"""

"what do you call a 5 foot psychic that escaped from jail? A small medium at large."

"Me: Choose a mate who loves & respects their mom, but isn't overly dependent on her. Lady: These are 4th graders- Me: THEY NEED TO KNOW THIS"

"FB makes HS reunions awkward. Hey, I haven't seen you 20 years. So how was that nap you took this afternoon?"

"Tomorrow I am going to open the time capsule I buried as a kid. I can't wait to see how big my puppy got"

"Why is it called a Wonder Bra? When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went."

"If Ella Fitzgerald married Darth Vader then she would be known as Ella Vader......."

"How did the truck get his girlfriend? Pickup lines"

"Close your eyes. Now imagine a peaceful meadow. That meadow represents your betrayal. I told you to close your eyes, but you kept reading."