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Joke of the Day

"When I die, I want my tombstone to read ""He died doing what he loved. Hating whatever he was doing."""

"i hope the guy behind me in line doesn't think i'm a weird cat lady cause my cart's full of fancy feast. i just like the way it tastes, dude"

"Yo mama's like a brick..... dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans."

"A ship carrying blue paint has collided with a ship carrying red paint in the English Channel. 32 sailors have been marooned"

"What do you call a dad without jeans? A potato."

"What is the difference between Donald Trump and a bucket of cow manure? the bucket"

"How does a lawyer from Panama play his guitar? He shreds."

"When a cop tells you to ""spread 'em"" he is not flirting. I know this now."

"Why is proctology called proctology? Because analogy was already taken."

"Some people say i'm conflicted... I'm not so sure."