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Joke of the Day

"Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end."

"Ignorance is only bliss until you wish you knew the answer"

"So I ruined the employee barbecue yesterday. My boss wouldn't stop grilling me about it."

"Why hasn't anyone invented alcohol that acts as birth control too?"

"How do you piss off a female archeologist? Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from."

"I nearly got fired from my job as a roofer on the first day when I was caught masturbating. But my boss said I could wipe the slate clean."

"ME: look a possum HER: actually it's spelled opossum ME: you don't no how I spelled it, we're talking HER: actually it's spelled know"

"So my fiancee rolls over, wakes me up, and says, ""honey, your alarm is going off."" I say..... ""pics or didn't happen."""

"A woman caught her husband on the weight scale, sucking in his stomach. ""That won't help you, Joe, you know?"" ""Oh it helps a lot,"" says the man, ""it's the only way I can see the numbers!"""

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? Many think it be 'r' but in fact it be the 'c'"