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Joke of the Day

"Him:Dude, I went on one of those police ride alongs with my friend..it was awesome! You ever done that? Me: In the front or back of the car?"

"Fucked this girl for an hour and 45 seconds a while ago. Thanks daylight savings"

"Why do the Romans use more eggs in their omelets than the French? Because the Romans feel that when it comes to eggs, you can't have too many ovum. But in France, they believe that one egg is un ouef."

"Have you ever heard of Tupac? You probably haven't, he's pretty underground"

"You can never lose a homing pigeon... If your homing pigeon doesn't come back, what you've lost is a pigeon."

"What does a Buddhist monk say when ordering a subway sandwich? *Make me one with everything*"

"Whenever you say ""I'll shoot you an email,"" it makes me wish I could shoot you in email."

"I'm going as president Obama for Halloween this year. I'll tell you you're getting different candy, but it will be the same candy from last year."

"what do you call a Black man with a small dick? By his name you racist fuck!"

"Have you heard about the guy who reanimated the dead? He made Mary Shelly roll over in her grave."