199185

Joke of the Day

"I'm surprised more killers haven't lured their victims into their houses by blind folding them and promises of being on a febreze commercial"

"If i had a dollar for every time i had an existential crisis... it wouldn't matter because currency is a social construct and life is meaningless"

"[Jesus plays hide-n-seek] Jesus: [exiting cave] Ah, ya found me! Let's play again. Harder this time. Find me now. [He ascends to Heaven]"

"I was told my $750 iPhone would improve the quality of my phone calls, but my family keeps calling telling me the same shit."

"The worst thing about admitting you're an alcoholic is that people will expect you to stop drinking."

"Which whale makes the best sexual partner? One that will humpback!"

"I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend Until the LSD wears off and I'm actually dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park"

"Why is Alabama the smartest state? Because it has four A's and one B."

"The other day I ran into my Ex So I backed up and ran into her again."

"LPT: If your phone gets wet, leave it in some rice to fix it. The rice will attract Asians who come and fix your phone. You're welcome."