198925

Joke of the Day

"I got my hair cut this morning and my wife still hasn't said a thing about it. omg, I'm so mad right now I can barely breathe."

"My Twitter clique is basically five or six people who have mistaken me for someone else."

"Don't break anyone's heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206."

"When I like a girl, I play it cool. I wait. I text once, wait 60 years, and then I die."

"Didja hear the joke about the piece of paper ripped in half? It's tearable."

"As the programmer was going to the store his wife called out We need a quart of milk and if they have eggs bring me back a dozen. He returns with 3 gallons of milk and says: ""They had eggs."""

"What does Bill Cosby have in common with a Pokemon trainer? He makes sure his catch is weak before he throws his balls at them."

"What's the difference between a black person and a bench? One can support a family"

"If weed becomes legalized after Snoop Dog dies He'll be rolling in his grave"

"Why do flower beds have mulch? So you can't see their underplants."