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Joke of the Day

"This skinny girl just told me she ""forgets"" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it's contagious."

"What do rednecks do on Halloween? Pumpkin."

"I just got Natalie Portman's autograph! Sure, it's on a restraining order, but still..."

"Did you hear about the gym where people pay to get punched in the face? Go after hours, there's no punch line!"

"What do you call a Five Guys restaurant in Africa? 3 Guys"

"Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You would too if your name was ""adkwodrtrgfvnfif"""

"Perfect Answer by Father. A little boy says, Dad, I've heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her.' Son,' says the dad. That happens everywhere."

"My dad died five years ago but I still see him everywhere I look. Makes me wish I hadn't dismembered him."

"Wanna Hear A Joke? Hufflepuff."

"What's the difference between the US election and sex? During sex it's fun to choose between asshole and cunt."