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Joke of the Day
"I shot my first turkey today! Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section though."
Next Joke
"Why did the Jewish woman cry when she was forced to pay the full price? Because she could not avoid the whole cost."
"I looked into my partner's eyes and said to the priest, ""I do."" If nobody else was going to object to the marriage, then I guess I had to."
"I'm starting to think Twitter has nothing to do with birds."
"My friend lied to me about pooping in the slow cooker. What a crock of shit."
"I leave spider carcasses on the wall to make sure the other spiders understand.."
"Girl's status* ""Bored"" 86 likes 27 comments *My status* ""Just got accepted into Harvard! 0 likes 1 comment from Mom: ""nerd"""
"I just found out five people I went to high school with are dead. What's taking the rest of them so long?"
"Just saw someone order a cup of water at this restaurant. Knocked it out of his hand. We're in a drought, idiot."
"I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants."