197566

Joke of the Day

"What did the fish say when it crashed into a wall? Damn! (This is my go-to joke that someone told me in highschool like 7 years ago. Felt like sharing it.)"

"Shouldn't the Air and Space museum be empty?"

"Most offensive one liner joke I know.. So I was eating this bitch out the other day and I tasted horse semen so I looked up and said, ""Ooooooh grandma that's how you died."""

"My wife complained that the Land's End catalog was showing too much camo print this season... I replied: lots of people are suddenly into camo, but I just don't see it."

"How is Microsoft like Bob Marley? I do updates before I do updates. And then I do updates."

"Can you at least smile if you're gonna be in the background of my selfie, Doc? (takes off rubber glove) ""You can pull up your pants now."""

"Christmas: One woman's lie about a one night stand that got completely out of hand."

"What Do you Call Neil Degrasse Tyson when he pours champagne on his bare chest? **An astro-fizzy-tits**"

"""Hey girl, you ever dated a monk before?"" ""no? well how would you like to get into the habit?"""

"""My god, it's the zombie apocalypse. Everyone grab the most critical items and get ready to run"" *me holding a Shrek 2 DVD* Way ahead of you"