197385

Joke of the Day

"[OC] What type of music do Irish people listen to? Pubstep"

"I failed every subject except for algebra. How did you keep from failing that? I didn't take algebra!"

"A Dad's Advice A dad is giving his son some advice one day. The dad says, ""Son, don't masturbate too much or you'll go blind."" The son replies, ""Dad, I'm over here."""

"Hub: You ready to go? Me: In a minute, I'm beating the kids. [Cut to me just decimating the kids at Mario Kart]"

"I used to have a job circumcising elephants.. It was shit work but the tips were massive."

"What did the owl say to the squirrel? Nothing. Because owls don't talk. Then it ate the squirrel, because owls are birds of prey."

"What is a nation inhabitated and reigned by stoners called? A hallucination."

"Nurse pops her head into the doctor's office..... Nurse: 'Doctor, there's an invisible man in the waiting room.' Doctor: 'Tell him I can't see him.'"

"Nice try, horror movies, but the scariest thing I've ever seen is still a 4-year-old holding a sharpie without the cap."

"Now that I'm playing Pokemon Go I don't need a girlfriend anymore... The servers go down on me all the time."