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Joke of the Day

"BREAKING - Albert Pujols to Angels for $254M dollars prompting Kim Kardashian to announce she now likes Latinos"

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"How do you make five pounds of fat look attractive? put a nipple on it."
"I put my pants on like everybody else. Grudgingly."
"Who doesn't want to be a millionaire? Well, certainly not a billionaire."
"I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year... Now, it's Election night."
"HYPNOTIST: YOU ARE FEELING SLEEPY ME: kinda safe bet there HYPNOTIST: YOU WILL DANCE LIKE AN OCTOPUS ME: again, still no surprises."
"What makes you think this is my first time?"
"What do you do when you see Michael J. Fox in a bathtub? Throw in a load of laundry."
"My girlfriend is in the hospital after she ate a giant bacon cheese burger. It was mine."
"Was JFK born in USA? Doubtful, he sounds Kennedyan!"
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