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Joke of the Day

"I will gladly eat anything I find in a fridge unless you put your name on it, in which case I will be full of guilt and shame when I eat it."

"Had sex in a kiddie pool full of jam once. *pops jean jacket collar* I got marmalaid."

"What if condoms had temporary tattoos on the inside like you rolled off the condom and there was a picture of a dinosaur on your dick."

"I got a handjob from a blind girl last night. She said ""You've got the biggest dick I've ever put my hands on."". I said ""Nah, You're just pulling my leg.""."

"Even though the country is called Iceland, its winters are actually quite mild. Guess they should have called it Chile"

"WHITE PEOPLE COLONIZED AND ENSLAVED THE WORLD IN SEARCH OF SPICES AND DIDN'T USE A DAMN ONE"

"Dad goes on date with Carly Rae Jepsen As she got into his car he said ""Hi, Maybe."""

"I bet when all the Baldwins go out to dinner, Alec makes a lot of eye contact while he reaches for the check."

"Lars asked Ole, ""Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a canoe?"" ""No, I don't,"" said Ole. ""A canoe will sometimes tip,"" explained Lars."

"I'm heading to Greenwich later today. Wondering what I should do in the Mean Time."