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Joke of the Day

"Why do women make better soldiers? Because they can bleed for a week and not die."

"""Honey, we're out of bootleg DVDs, and Samurai swords."" - Flea Market attendees."

"What do you call a group of scientologist almonds? Nuts."

"ME: I'll have the burger. WAITER: And how do you like your burger? ME: I don't know. You haven't brought it to me yet."

"What's the difference between feminists and Nazis? The Nazis had a purpose"

"Why did Helen Keller stop cleaning her dishes? She was running out of things to read."

"""I don't want to make a spectacle..."" Eye glass manufacturers last day on the job."

"Q. How do blonde brain cells die? A. Alone"

"[Hot Wheels cars zooming through entire house] ""I SWEAR TO GOD KAREN IF YOU DISCONNECT ANY PART OF THIS TRACK I'M DIVORCING YOU"""

"I saw an alarming stat the other day. Apparently 25% of women are taking medication for some sort of mental illness . . . That means that 75% of women are walking around unmedicated!"