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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a fish that operates on brains? A brain sturgeon."

"I went to the library. I said,""Can I borrow a book about suicide?"" The guy said,""We did have one, but we never got it back."""

"A Brit, a Jew and a Canadian. So a Brit, a Jew and a Canadian are sitting in bar. The jew lifts his head from his drink and says, ""I just don't know anymore, does america got talent?"""

"Mr whippy was found dead today with a flake up his ass, chocolate sprinkles on his penis and strawberry sauce on his bollocks. Police think he topped himself."

"Ladies, if you think being clumsy is cute, I once stabbed my date in the gums with a fork trying to feed her a bite of spaghetti"

"Don't make school shooting jokes. You can't imagine what went through their heads in their final moments."

"Ali was great but he was not the greatest... The best boxer that ever lived was reverend Jim Jones. He killed over 900 people with one punch!"

"Knock knock Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave breaking down into an emotional wreck and mess of tears at the realisation that the Alzheimer's has finally taken hold."

"How do you get a Harvard graduate off your doorstep? Tip him for the pizza."

"Today I had a mild panic attack over the fact I will die someday. Then I bought some shit on Amazon. Your mom is a hermaphrodite."