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Joke of the Day

"Mr whippy was found dead today with a flake up his ass, chocolate sprinkles on his penis and strawberry sauce on his bollocks. Police think he topped himself."

"What is the unit of power? Yes."

"[Divorce court] Her: I found his Twitter account. I want a divorce. Judge: He was cheating? Her: No, he was doing inspirational tweets."

"Adding ""and shit"" to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and shit."

"Hear about the farmer that stepped on a rake? He had two acres."

"We must be in the bathroom... because uraneight. I literally just made this up, might explain why its so so"

"How do you start an insect race ? One two flea - go"

"Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? So people don't mistake them for feminists"

"Do they make a scale that says things like ""Those shorts probably weigh, what, like 15 pounds?"""

"I remember when the M in MTV stood for Music not Maternity."