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Joke of the Day

"My 5 year old is looking all over the house for his drumsticks but he won't have any luck finding them without a shovel."

"yes ladies i have a black belt. its a black leather belt from Marshalls. [i flinch as a bird flys by] you girls wanna get some lunch?"

"What's the cheat code for Friday?"

"My girlfriend was so intent on going shopping for a dress that she wouldn't even think about seeing a movie. I swear, she's such a clothes-minded person sometimes."

"What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day? Hog and kisses! "

"The UK could be the 51st State. It'd just be like moving in with your grandson."

"I have some great kitchen puns. They're really pantastic."

"Which part of an eagle is the hardest? The pecker."

"No one beats the Jackson 5! Except their father."

"8- Dad, why is there oxygen on earth, but not on any other planet? M- Are you sure you just don't want to know where baby's come from?"