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Joke of the Day

"Have you ever listened to someone talk for a while and started to wonder ""who ties your shoelaces for you?"""

"The Bible is basically the longest set of Terms & Conditions ever, which is why so many people agree with it without knowing why."

"What do you call an eternity? Four Blondes at a four way stop."

"What is the difference between jam and jelly? I can't jelly my dick up your arse."

"Why Heisenberg didn't have any kids the second he found the position he lost the momentum, when he got momentum he couldn't find the position."

"I want to give a shout out to liver thanks buddy for keeping all those bad influences out of my life"

"Just how hairy was the person who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?"

"Ooh. Remove card RAPIDLY, not RABIDLY. I think I owe the lady at pump 2 an apology."

"[ordering pizza alone] Yeah I'd like a large pepperoni and *changes voice* A medium sausage *changes voice again* Another large pepperoni"

"My super buff friend told me he never uses any fitness supplements... I didn't believe him and said ""no whey?"""