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Joke of the Day

"What did the vulture say when the airline agent asked if he wanted to check his luggage? No, thanks, it's just carrion..."

"Yeah I can take a hint. I'm not going to though."

"Whoever thought of appetizers was literally like ""we should pregame this food w more food"" and I think that's really beautiful"

"I could never be an actress because I don't want kids and would never be able to say ""but my favorite role is being a mom"" at award shows."

"SOUND GUY: [taps microphone] this is a test, testing, testing...1, 2, 3.. MICROPHONE: [sweatig profusley] OH GOD, UH. FOUR?!! FOUR, IS IT FOUR"

"A blonde sees a another blonde across a lake and asks ""How do I get to the other side?"" the other blonde replies... ""You are on the other side""."

"How Gabe Newell counts to 10 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10"

"I like twitter because having one-sided conversations with virtually no feedback reminds me a lot of being a parent."

"this is a serious question if you have sex with a hoker and dont pay is it shoplifting"

"After i walked out of the theatre from watching star wars I turned to my woman and said, ""so do you wanna chewbacca on this cakka?"""