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Joke of the Day
"Why did the monk hate the musician because he hated violins I made this up just now"
Next Joke
"I knew Donald Trump was a bro as soon as I knew his taste in music. We both love The Wall."
"What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in the ocean? Bob"
"How do you circumcise a redneck? You kick his sister in the jaw."
"I'm drinking coffee because people think you've got a problem if you drink vodka in the morning!"
"My job keeps asking me to sign up for a marathon. I keep telling them I can't. I'm out of shape, I have weak knees, and 401k is a long way to run."
"Mickey and Minnie go to get divorced... When the judge asks for the reason, Mickey: ""Because my wife is fucking goofy."" Judge: ""You mean she's crazy?"" Mickey: ""No, she's just fucking goofy!"""
"Dear White People, Stop making videos of yourselves singing songs from 'Frozen'!"
"""Whenever one door closes, another opens."" ""Wow, you must be very optimistic about life."" ""No, I live in a haunted house."""
"Bartender: A shot of whiskey can cleanse the soul Me: *thinks back to the time I ""experimented"" in college* I'll take 27 bottles please"