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Joke of the Day

"""How much do you love me?"" Count the stars in the sky and that's how much I love you ""But it's so cloudy"" *pats her on the head* Yeah I know"

"why are there fences around graveyards? people are just dying to get in there these days."

"I should probably see someone about my mental health, like a drug dealer or bartender or something."

"""Oooh look! Is that a comet?"" - Well, actually the airport is real close by ""Oh ok. Good idea. I'll call them and ask"""

"What's the difference between a hooker and a crackhead? A hooker washes her crack and resells it."

"[traffic stop] COP: where ya headed? ME: on my way home COP: *shining flashlight in my backseat* ME: look at me when I'm speaking to you"

"Why can't you purchase minerals by the gallon? They only come in quarts(z)"

"What do you call Dracula's retarded cousin? Countdown This was a joke I heard on TV some time ago ... Thought it was worth a share."

"Shakespeare was gay... How else was he so good with his tongue?"

"What do you call a number that can't keep still? A roamin' numeral"